AMB Reviews

G-Force: 3/10 Stars

Release Date: July 24, 2009

Content Advisory: Rated PG for some mild action and rude humor. Several jokes revolving around the bathroom. Action is common, but very comical, as all of it involves guinea pigs. Cars are flipped upside down, and there are several explosions. A bit of gun fire and guinea pigs dangling from great heights. We're talking mild stuff here.

Review:

"G-Force" never spiked my interest. I had a good idea of what I would think of it after simply viewing the trailer. Let's just say that I was right...

In Short:

Walt Disney Pictures brings us a 3-D animated/live action fable about genetically altered guinea pigs who are supposedly meant to "save the world." This includes Darwin, Blaster, Juarez, and Speckles. In this film, they take on an appliance industry that is supposedly a threat to the human race. Yes... you heard me. Killer appliances. It can't get much more corny than that. The voicing was filled with stars including Nicolas Cage and Penelope Cruz, but not even their talents could save this film. It tried to poke humor in so many places, and in the end, it really had me asking these questions: "Why am I here? Why did I pay money for this? Is there really any point to this film?" To answer that last question, it's quite simple actually... no.

In Full:

Darwin is the leader of a specially trained pack of guinea pigs, meant to save the world. Blaster is a weapons guru, while Juarez is a sexy martial arts know-it-all. Speckles is the geeky computer specialist. Ben, a human, genetically altered them at birth and now they are locked and loaded. Or something like that. And in this film, they are taking on Saber, the owner of a worldwide appliance store. But what if there's more to his appliances? What if they're alive... and ready to kill? This is major corn we're talking here. The dialogue was mediocre at best, the pacing was slow and draggy, while the humor was lame and very cheesy. I think I laughed several times at its sheer stupidity, and that was about it.

Surprisingly, this film features an all-star cast. Why any of them would sign on for such a film is beyond me, but they did. Bill Nighy stars as Saber who is basically give several scenes to perform in and rarely any dialogue. His character is boring and given pretty much nothing to do. Nicolas Cage voices Speckles, while Penelope Cruz brings the character of Juarez to life. Though I find their impersonations pretty decent... they just couldn't save the film. They couldn't bring back an already dead plot, dead dialogue, and dead humor. Their talents were wasted on this dud. Sam Rockwell and Tracy Morgan join in the cast, as well as Zach Galifianakis, whom I found atrocious at acting.

The visuals and animation were pretty much what you would expect of this kind of Disney film. The guinea pigs are clearly animated, and come off as rather unrealistic, while the "killer appliances" remind me of Transformers. My sister, who was sitting beside me, kept asking me if they were trying to remake a "Transformers" type film. It sure did seem like it at times. The one scene I must comment on is one filled with many fireworks. I won't give away any more, but that is the one scene that kept me entertained. A very unrealistic, but stunning scene. But that's about it folks. In the end, you'll end up with some fat and 3-D animated guinea pigs in a live set with live actors. Nothing special or grand.

Hmmm... it seems like I've mentioned so much of what I disliked about the film. Did I mention that the voicing was good? Besides that though, I found it all very dry... as if I had seen it before. The humor that didn't revolve around the bathroom was old and used in so many Disney movies before it, while the pacing just seemed to drag. It didn't really pick up until the end, and the rest of the time was spent lazing around in grassy territory trod down so many times that there was only dirt left. I rarely ever laughed at the film and walked out thinking, "That was the biggest waste of 90 minutes that I'll never be able to get back!"

As I wrap things up, let me just say that if you've watched the trailer for the film... you've pretty much seen it all. All of the humor that comes even close to funny is contained within those two minutes, as well as snippets of the action. You won't find much else in the actual film, other than tired jokes and empty dialogue. Besides the solid voicing, most of the actual actors are given rarely anything to do, and those who are can't even act. In the theater, there were little toddlers and old grandmas and they all began to clap at the end! So, I will leave you with this: "G-Force" is recommended for 6 year olds and under and for 80 year olds and up. Anyone else who doesn't fall into those age categories are better off just giving the trailer a quick view and wasting only 2 minutes of their life, rather than a full 90.